MAKING MARRIAGE
MAKING MARRIAGE
Having stayed a full year in marriage I have had the privilege to reflect on a new phase of life. People have the saying that all marriages have their own challenges. I would rather rephrase to say all marriages are different challenges. The marriages do not have challenges, they are challenges themselves.
The wedding is just the beginning of the marriage and it is over sooner than expected, the arrangements and plans notwithstanding. The honeymoon might look like a good kick-off point but both combined are still not enough shock absorbers for what awaits in marriage. Is marriage scary? Yes. Is marriage sweet? Yes. Is marriage what you expect? Place your answer here!
Marriage is exactly what you make of it. I didn’t say what you both make of it. It is what YOU make of it! You both are a couple but a lot depends on you personally. Your smile, your words. Your thoughts, your plans, your aspirations, your prayers, your fears, your anticipations, your relationships, your attitude and most especially your faith.
You are more important than both of you. The reason is this; without you there will be no marriage, without you divorce is impossible, without you it is impossible to quarrel and fight. Whatever takes two to achieve makes each one very important. More important than the two together. It takes one in the least to make two. One first, then comes two.
If only you could see how important you are in the union of your marriage, you would know that whatever needs a solution in your marriage has to do with you. Your spouse may be short-sighted, you should be different, your spouse may be tight-fisted, you should be the opposite. What you see not-too-good in your spouse should become your personal project, not in your spouse’s life but in yours!
The blame game is the sure way to disintegrate and sow seeds of regret. Your marriage would never be perfect but it can be conducive for children, it can be comfortable for your visitors, convenient for your spouse and an altar for God. What it takes is sacrifice. Sacrifice is never counted, never listed, never itemized, never horded. It is given when needed, it is never rationed, never analysed. It is the breath needed to keep a marriage alive. You don’t have to be loved before you respect and submit. You don’t have to be respected before you love.
When you begin to see yourself doing everything that is to be done to keep the marriage alive, don’t fret and pull out your pen to calculate your percentage effort, no! Keep at it for you have been given the grace for this period. Tomorrow it might be the turn of your spouse, you may be strong, wise, forgiving, passionate, courageous, prayerful and supporting today but tomorrow may present a different face and then you will know that your spouse has learnt from you. The tables may turn around and you will need all you have given. When you receive, you feel better than when you give but the blessings come more when you give.
The marriage is for two, agreed to by two and best kept in motion by two. One cannot establish a marriage, one cannot be married to oneself but one can keep a marriage in motion. If you are the life guard of your marriage, it’s a privilege not a burden. We all are mortal men, susceptible to life’s whirls yet candidates of God’s grace.
Your optimism could provoke bright light. Your pessimism could invoke dark shades. It is not so much of your spouse as it is of you. If you do all you righteously should to make your marriage stand, by God it will stand. Hold the fort now. Marriage is like bringing up children, they depend on you for many years and after many years, you in turn depend on them. To your spouse, be the parent now, let your spouse depend on you and if later you find out you can’t depend on your spouse, be rest assured that no sacrifice or good turn is ever wasted. The fact that an investment doesn’t yield desired results doesn’t make you any less an investor. It’s the act not the result that makes you mature. Be the adult. Be the marriage today, you may not be so privileged in the moments called tomorow.
“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 9:9
“Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:2-3