MAN, UPGRADE THYSELF!

It sounded like a joke but he was serious. He took a one week break, left those he loved and committed himself to learning a computer based technology. I didn’t want to grant the request but I am glad that I did after all. We had a nice time sharing knowledge. He left better than he came. He left me prouder than he met me. We have been friends from way back in school. We had a stint with computer hardware trainings and desktop programming. Now years later, it was for a web-based technology. He was growing and he wasn’t looking back. That is what I call an upgrade.

In the course of the class we talked, joked, laughed, ate and slept. We had a very wonderful time and it was no wonder when our discussion delved into relationships. We talked about compatibility and the ability for men and women to know what to do and who to bond with. He spoke about his experience with his fiancée and I gleaned some more light. In the light of what I gleaned I concluded on some findings I had made years ago and proven over time, scripturally and experience-wise.

Every woman wants a man she can look up to. A man that would teach her and guide her, not necessarily in every area of life but in major areas. Spiritual guidance, financial, emotional and physical. No matter how highly placed the woman is and no matter how much she has come to rate herself in the society, every normal woman would want to be a baby to her husband. Not just because they are formed to feed on attention and tender care but because the man in question is the one they have given themselves to.

He spoke about a certain young man who was gunning for the affection of another young lady and he clearly stated that the man had to upgrade if he really wanted that lady to be his wife. His reason was vivid. If a lady keeps improving herself daily, she would want to still have someone who is higher than her as her husband, hence the man would have to improve himself more than just daily.

Many men believe that because the slogan of this generation is “A good husband is hard to find”, they have the right to play around with the affections of young ladies. They go ahead to date one, two or even more ladies and they even conclude that dating these ladies at the same time is a favour to each of them. They forget that though a lady’s heart is open and warm when she loves, it is also impregnable and a landmine when hurt.

I have seen gifted ladies who end up managing their husbands. I have come across a lot of ladies I feel married for the wrong reasons or married the wrong men. The reason is this, every lady wants to please her husband, she wants to be his first and last. She doesn’t want to compete with another lady or any other activity or entity for that matter. She wants to be his waking thoughts and his midnight dream.

The natural disposition for most ladies is to cleave to the one man that they have given their heart to. They would do what is in their power to ensure that the man that is theirs is satisfied with them to avoid any form of competition or comparism. Most times however they fall short, not because they are not doing their best but because marriage is a three-sided relationship. A man, his wife and their God. All the three have their part to play. She can’t handle it alone, no matter how hard she tries.

A man that fears God would honour his wife and not downgrade her either in words, actions or even thoughts. His wife may annoy him which is very normal but he has to learn to overlook it. The annoyance most times is not intentional and sometimes it is very deliberate because a woman does a lot of funny things if she wants to get some attention, especially from the “him”.

A man must upgrade in the sense that he must be very sure of issues at the instant. The woman always looks up to the man even in her questions. They cook better but they would always ask you what they should cook. They dress better but they would always ask you what they should wear. It’s not like they have no clue to what to cook or wear but they want you to say it, they want your opinion, they want to hear it.. They are designed to follow instructions from the one they love and are willing to follow. When a woman asks you a question, you shouldn’t throw it back, give her an answer, if you are not so sure, tell her what you think but don’t leave her in her question-state.

Every man must upgrade before he finds his wife and upgrade more after that majorly because you cannot lead someone to a place you haven’t been before. You cannot teach what you haven’t learnt. If the woman is to depend on the man then the man must be dependable. Many wives have left the counsel of their husbands and have taken to their pastor or neighbour or colleague simply because they need to be lead and if the man isn’t available to be leader, they seek an alternative. This does not mean that they are directionless or that their fidelity is to be questioned, no. it simply means they have a need that must be met. When we are hungry, we eat. We do not go to see a doctor or a psychiatrist. We just eat.

God has created every man to have the capacity to cater for his wife and family and a man that does less is really less of a man. We must strive to read more books, encounter more people, learn new things and strive to be better leaders, not really because we are potential leaders to our women but because that is how God designed it. He never gave Eve a command above Adam. Adam got the instructions and he was to pass it to his wife.

If your wife is disrespecting you or not cooperating with your leadership then check very well. Your leadership may be likened to the political saga Nigeria is witnessing. When we talk negative about our leaders, it’s because they haven’t proven themselves and the words they promised. If they ever prove themselves beyond doubt and keep to their words, praise would surely follow. Do likewise and see how much praise is embedded in a woman.

A lot of men have taken so much pains to acquire material possessions, cars, phones, houses, clothes and such like. Pardon me to say that women like such possessions but in the long run they would look beyond all that and seek the man that has knowledge of life and leadership qualities. They would tell you that his looks and height are good for occasions and ‘girl’s gist’ but when the time of reckoning is come, they would point-blankly tell the difference between what attracts a woman and what sustains a woman. Women look beyond the man that makes them feel good to see a strong husband and caring father.

Until a woman is fulfilled in her pursuit in life, she would feel that there is something lacking in her union to any man. Until she has found a way to contribute to her man’s success and growth, she would always see herself and a side attraction and not a partner in life.

It takes a life time to study a man. It takes a life time to understand that women are not to be really understood but accepted and loved the way they are. This will go a long way to determine the kind of men we become and the kind of women we walk the path of life with. Every man needs an upgrade course to understand his role in his woman’s life. Getting them to walk with us is just an awareness of the existence of the syllabus of an unending coursework.

A woman would upgrade if she sees the height her husband has risen especially if he is willing to help her grow up. Never look down upon a woman, she may look feeble and soft, gullible and tender-hearted, even weak but if man could walk the walk alone, he wouldn’t need a help.

We need help and that’s who the woman is. Groom your help. Be the man. Upgrade!