THE WILL OF GOD

I spent five (5) legal years in school and I didn’t talk to any lady about relationships. I didn’t even ask any to be my friend. I was preoccupied with my fellowship, my books and my new found joy for programming and computer repairs. Not that it did not cross my mind but frankly speaking I couldn’t fathom what I would achieve or stand to gain if I entered a relationship way back in school.

I saw a lot of people going in and coming out and sometimes it felt like one was lacking something important but it is clear now that my decision was just how it should have been for me. I try to give my best to anything I do and taking in too much could result to my being distracted and unproductive.

However, after my project in my final year,

She told me she wasn’t expecting such a thing from me and it became clear that I was the only one on the side of the thought. I told her to pray about it and then offered my arm of friendship. I can’t say she prayed but I didn’t get anything positive from her. I kept to the arm I offered her and graduated from school.

Some two years later we had become inseparable friends. We knew our daily schedule without seeing ourselves. We were in touch much more than most married couples had even been or would ever be. It became addictive and we lost count of time, communicating. It was sheer bliss and we enjoyed the unbiased, free flow of love in our friendship. I went to serve my Country on a one-year national assignment and we remained in touch throughout. She was Frodo to me and I was Sam to her.

I returned after the service year and we met again. This time it was different. The answer had materialized and she was offering it, for me I had placed myself in a position of one who had forgotten the question he asked. It wasn’t anything of pride or masculine ego. I was only too comfortable with the friendship and I didn’t want to modify the present settings. We finally sorted things out and started my first relationship.

I loved her and she equally did. My parents didn’t approve of her so well and they aired their opinions and like a normal child, I felt their opinions were biased. True, they were a bit off-the-handle but as parents they possessed a certain degree of wisdom that I know too well would benefit me as their child. Whilst I didn’t make it obvious that I was listening to them, I silently prayed that I would not do their will or mine but the one my Father in heaven would want me to do. I kept praying this out of fear and out of dependence on God. I didn’t want to get it wrong and I didn’t want to out rightly do what others wanted.

Weeks kicked into months and slowly my person grew attached. We became inseparable. We couldn’t stay hours without exchanging text messages and making calls. We had special “Flash codes” in the case that the network wasn’t stable. We exchanged a lot of letters and we shared a new written language between us. It was great being in love and the feeling was out of this world. I believed that this was the in-thing and that I had found the one that was destined for me. I gave it my all and she didn’t give less. Our relationship was pure, the friendship was unadulterated and the feelings we shared were unalloyed. It was true love.

She visited the house a number of times and I believed my parents had come to accept her and my siblings too but I still noticed a certain degree of discomfort and I couldn’t place a hand on it. We kept being true to ourselves and though we were conscious of the little emotional friction in the air, we never lived a lie.

One day I told my parents that I would marry the lady and my mum didn’t think that was the right way to say such things. I was yet to get a job and probably have a future as a man and here I was talking about marriage. They called my bluff and threw my words to the side. Unknown to them I had determined in my mind that if they would not attend the wedding as parents then they were free to come as guests. For me it wasn’t stubbornness. I was just determined and it wasn’t in my manner to let my words fall to the ground.

I had planned to get married at 26 (twenty-six) years of age and I was close. I wanted to meet my target and I didn’t want to be in more than one relationship in my whole life. I put all my plans together and I continued loving this lady. We were never deterred by whatever was going around. As long as we knew we were true to the relationship and righteous in all dealings, then it meant God was behind it.

I was dazed when I suddenly lost my peace a few months later. I mean a complete loss. I found myself restless as time went on and I couldn’t say what exactly it was. I wasn’t owing anybody. I didn’t do anything wrong in the relationship that I knew of. I was just myself but my peace had fled. I checked my work (then I had become gainfully employed) and it wasn’t my work. I searched my life, yet I couldn’t say why I lost my peace.

Then after a thorough scanning, I decided that the relationship was responsible. I called Frodo and we had a heart to heart talk. I told her of the recent happenings I was going through and what I suspected was the reason. She didn’t buy my words. I convinced her that the loss of peace wasn’t something that was comfortable by any means and we should put the relationship on hold. She agreed because she knew I wasn’t lying. We never lied to ourselves. We went on the said break and it got worse.

I called for audience again and I told her it was quit time. She didn’t believe her ears. We spoke at length and she could see that it wasn’t a selfish decision I was proposing at that time. It was really an issue that had to be sorted out and we had known ourselves too well to doubt one another. With a lot of love, we agreed to part. It wasn’t as easy as these English sentences. It took almost six (6) months of tears, cries and sometimes misplaced emotions to settle the fact that we had to be apart. We even met a professional counsellor yet the peace wouldn’t return until when we parted finally.

Frodo didn’t do anything wrong and we really wanted to be with each other for the rest of our lives but if you know anything about losing one’s peace, especially for someone like me then you would understand that once it happens nothing else really matters. It wasn’t an issue to discuss with my parents because they might be glad and without good reason. I spoke to some elders who encouraged me and told me we did the right thing because for a child of God who loses his peace, that is an indication that God wants your attention and He isn’t getting it.

We have since remained friends and for more than four (4) years after, we secretly wished to return to ourselves but God has better plans. I am someone who is determined and she believes in me whole-heartedly. Our union would have been perfect and lovely (so I think). We really loved ourselves and our love was pure, trust me. God however impressed otherwise and for a long time I sought His face to tell me why that relationship had to end and all I sensed in my spirit was God asking me to be friends and I wanted to push it further than that.

I didn’t have a reason to give her when I called the relationship off. I didn’t go into any relationship years after that, in fact she has been the “one and only” since then and though some people see it as strange but I have learnt that if a man is true to his God then God’s will overrides his with or without clear reasons.

It truly hurts to be in a situation like this especially when people are ill-informed or completely ignorant of the happening yet choose to talk carelessly about the situation and say seemingly unforgiveable things. It is clear however that when a man pleases God it doesn’t matter who gets displeased and when a man displeases God, it doesn’t matter who else is pleased. We chose to please God and I know we are better for it.

 For me…If it is God’s will, I will.