SORRY, I AM EIGHTEEN

When a child is born, its up to the parents or whoever is in charge to breastfeed the child for six(6) months or one (1) year or more depending on how the parent deems fit. You can even decide not to breastfeed the child. My point here is this: the child has no say!

As the child grows up he or she relies on what guide you offer him or her. You decide the clothes they wear, the schools they attend and even the food they eat. You can decide how they play, whom they play with and the language they end up speaking. The child doesn’t have much say.

For a substantial part of their lives, the parents are in control of what happens to the child. To a large extent you can even decide when the child is to be happy and when not by gifts and beatings respectively. The children will trust your judgment for a greater part of their lives until they begin to try and break free as teens and adolescents.

It’s up to the parents to groom their children until it’s time to be cut loose. Once they are eighteen (18) years, your time is up. Your time is really up.

If you haven’t taught them about sex by eighteen, you are late, so late. If you haven’t built a relationship with them by eighteen, you are late. If you haven’t taught them God by eighteen, you are late.

Not that they wouldn’t learn again but almost definitely not from you. You can only pray for them to find the right source. When you begin to brood that your above-eighteen-child is not listening to you, that’s when it’s called ranting. When you begin to think that he or she is stubborn and wouldn’t listen as a youth, that is exactly when you declare your failure as a teacher or groom or coach.

What did you do in the first eighteen years of his life? What did you do with her all the years she spent being under eighteen? Is there anything you do for eighteen years and not expect to have results? If Yes, then I don’t see a better description for the word called FAILURE.

When your child is eighteen (18) and you feel you haven’t taught him enough, it’s only wise to do what you then can –  pray and advise. At this point all your well meaning instructions turn to suggestions. You can hardly enforce your rules anymore. Listening can be guaranteed but to out rightly heed you will depend largely on how much training they imbibed before they came to be eighteen.

The bible employs mostly parents with this word of wisdom:

“Point your kids in the right direction— when they’re old they won’t be lost.”

Take note of the word “kids”. Do what you should when they are kids.

It is not your duty to enforce. It is your duty to train. Your time is limited so you have to do it before the breakaway time. Once it is time, it only makes sense to apply caution and communicate like adults. Adults? O yes! that’s what they are at eighteen. They can go to prison, make their choice of profession and decide how to live and even when to leave. They are adults.

Any attempt to interrupt their lives shows a disregard for them and their lives which no one really considers a worthy courtesy. Don’t get me wrong. They are still your children but they are no longer “children”. They are eighteen, they are adults!

If they respect you enough, they will listen and learn but it’s their choice, not yours anymore. They would surely learn more but weather not yourself when they shun you. You had eighteen years to make a difference. The only difference you can make now is to let go and let God. Letting go actually does more good than sticking close or clinging firm.

I can tell how it feels, I was once eighteen too!